Rantings of a displaced literati

Bliss

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 02:35:45 GMT

I am sitting here in my living room in front of the fire, listening to Miles Davis by candlelight, sipping Australian Shiraz and smoking a Camel, waiting for the love of my life to come over and cook me dinner. I defy you to tell me how life can possibly get better than this. :-)

Stick a fork in me...I'm done.

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 02:37:31 GMT

I gave notice at my job on Tuesday. I will work there until next Friday, and then I will take my ball and go home. I had this unreasonable expectation, you see, that I would work, and they would pay me. Silly me. Seriously though, the firm is in SERIOUS financial trouble, and I had to jump ship instead of rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic and humming 'nearer my God to thee..." The initial plan was to work temp jobs through my employment agency until I found something worthwhile, but it appears, that in the interim, something worthwhile has found ME. It is a legal secretary position with HighMount Exploration and Production, and the salary and benefits were such that I snapped it up like a starving pihranna at the stockyards chum pond. I am in the midst of having a background check (2 speeding tickets - I'm a menace to society), and then it is in the bag for next Mon. Wish me luck! I hated to leave the old place, as I really liked my boss and my job, but hey - not being a supermodel, I cannot subsist on ice chips, and therefore, must have a job that enables me to buy food.

Everything else is going pretty well. I will be in Denver for Thanksgiving, and am going to see my Grandma who I haven't seen in a while. I was planning on going to Taos for TG, but G-ma has taken a turn for the worse (she's 96), and I need to go see her while she's still here.

I moved - I am in a townhouse now, and loving the complex, but Jack had to go and live with Dad for the time being. I am sad that I can't have him here, but the other option would be to crate him nearly 10 hours everyday (sometimes more), and I just can't do that to a dog. So he gets to go play with Dad and Frieda, and I come to give him treats and take him for walks when I can. I guess everything's a trade-off.

Interpersonally things are interesting right now. I am in a relationship that hasn't caused me to tear my hair out, and that is really nice. I am hoping things stay like this. The only bad thing is that currently, one of my best friends isn't speaking to me beacuse I had the drunken moxie to tell the truth. I need to call and reconcile, but am not sure what to say. What can I say - I didn't lie. Just because she doesn't like the truth is no reason I should lie. Oh well.

I will post more later.

.

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 17:59:49 GMT

Fuck.

I post less when I'm happy.

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 00:33:10 GMT

I just thought I'd resurface. I am fine, actually.

Still working at the same firm - this is officially the longest I have ever spent at one job in my life. I feel like an actual grownup about this. The financial situation is still a little iffy, but hopefully, we will be able to iron it out, and go on.

School is making me crazy. I have one semester left to go, and other than my humanities professor being a virulent twat, I am liking it OK, and jsut wanting to be DONE, already.

Jack is good - he is doing his doggy thing in style.

I may be moving again soon, as my property management company/home owner people are crazy, and have (through their own internal squabbling) voided my lease. I am sick of thier shit, so there's my out.

For once in my life, my love life is not a source of things for me to bitch about. It's actually great. This is a novel concept for me, and I like it.

Honestly, that's it. I'm boring, sorry.

NOTE _ OZZY OSBOURNE AND ROB ZOMBIE ARE HERE IN CONCERT DECEMBER 6TH - SOLID AWESOME!!!

Tickets are available tomorrow at noon.

Thought of the day.

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 13:59:07 GMT

I have already realized that I am going to die old and alone with 15 dogs.

So I guess everything between now and then is just getting me laid.

What a refreshing way to view relationship drama - totally takes the pressure off.

I don't know why I feel compelled to take these...

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 14:53:02 GMT

What's new.

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 20:39:45 GMT

It has been forever and 15 years since I last posted.

What is going on -

I moved into a new house - it is approx. 2 blocks from the Red Cup, so I have been wasting a lot of time there.

Jack is fine, doing his doggy thing.

I am still working at the same law firm, still liking my job. Only thing I'm worried about is the general instability at the firm (financial) - that is the only reason I would leave here.

I have been seeing someone for a few months now, and he is quite wonderful. I won't gush here, but if you want more details, let me know.

I am getting pretty excited about the traveling I will be doing this year - I am going to Taos for Thanksgiving (if all goes well) and Paris in March. Yay. I may also go somewhere over X-Mas, but that depends on if I can get the time off of work.

I am not really writing poetry lately, but have been doing other stuff - I am having a bit of a physical renaissance - I have been working out a lot, and doing outdoorsy-stuff a lot.

I am also pretty darn close to graduating! Whee-Hoo!!

So, that's it.

Here it comes...

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 20:34:24 GMT

School started today. First class is tomorrow. Good-bye, brain.

Now I know what to do.

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 21:15:44 GMT

I am going to move to Canada.
Not immediately, but within the next couple of years. More specifically, Vancouver. Probably a little more than a year from now. I have to get citizenship and finish my bachelor's, as well as save up some money, but I am definitely doing it.
Why, you ask?

Things there ARE:

clean, fresh air
mountains, hiking, sea
metropolitan cities
socialized health care
a higher standard of living
more civic oriented governmental policies
compassionate government and programs
job opportunities
a more progressive national mindset
cheaper college
cleaner cities
legalized marijuana
shorter stints in law school
democracy
public transportation

Things there are NOT:

George Bush
Republicans
Wars
mass hysteria/paranoia
embargoes
drafts
nascar
rednecks
legalized homophobia
legalized sexism
the GOP
the Radical Right
HMO's
pharmacists with 'discretionary choice'
a Supreme Court with 8 men and 1 woman

Feel free to add.

The only thing I am confused about is why I'm not there already.

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 16:34:15 GMT

Life is so beautiful.
Stop looking for perfection,
and understand that perfection itself is in inperfection.
Enjoy.
Live.
Sense.
Feel.
I am free.
Liberated.
Life is so beautiful.

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 16:31:49 GMT

Mingle² - Online Dating

Eureka!!!

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 19:58:49 GMT

This BREAKING NEWS just in:

Wheatgrass is a miracle food!!!

Here is the procedure.

5 small cans V8 juice + 4 bottles of water + breakfast sandwich + shot of wheatgrass juice + glass of carrot/apple/ginger juice + vitamin B12 and B Complex = NO MORE HANGOVER!!!!

I have finally figured out life's greatest mystery!!!

I am nature's greatest wonder!!

I am in love with the clerk who made it for me. She had no idea what a humanitarian service she performed.

This is Scary as hell - and also true.

Wed, 23 May 2007 16:19:10 GMT

Even though this was written a few years ago, the SAME SITUATION is still relevant and timely. That alone should scare the bejezus out of any thinking person. If you haven't re-read the book in a while, it may be time to pull it back out.

Happy New Year It's 1984 -
Bush's Orwellian Address
By Jacob Levich
10-26-1

Seventeen years later than expected, 1984 has arrived. In his address to Congress Thursday, George Bush effectively declared permanent war -- war without temporal or geographic limits; war without clear goals; war against a vaguely defined and constantly shifting enemy. Today it's Al-Qaida; tomorrow it may be Afghanistan; next year, it could be Iraq or Cuba or Chechnya.

No one who was forced to read 1984 in high school could fail to hear a faint bell tinkling. In George Orwell's dreary classic, the totalitarian state of Oceania is perpetually at war with either Eurasia or Eastasia. Although the enemy changes periodically, the war is permanent; its true purpose is to control dissent and sustain dictatorship by nurturing popular fear and hatred.

The permanent war undergirds every aspect of Big Brother's authoritarian program, excusing censorship, propaganda, secret police, and privation. In other words, it's terribly convenient.

And conveniently terrible. Bush's alarming speech pointed to a shadowy enemy that lurks in more 60 countries, including the US. He announced a policy of using maximum force against any individuals or nations he designates as our enemies, without color of international law, due process, or democratic debate.

He explicitly warned that much of the war will be conducted in secret. He rejected negotiation as a tool of diplomacy. He announced starkly that any country that doesn't knuckle under to US demands will be regarded as an enemy. He heralded the creation of a powerful new cabinet-level police agency called the "Office of Homeland Security." Orwell couldn't have named it better.

By turns folksy ("Ya know what?") and chillingly bellicose ("Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists"), Bush stepped comfortably into the role of Big Brother, who needs to be loved as well as feared. Meanwhile, his administration acted swiftly to realize the governing principles of Oceania:

WAR IS PEACE. A reckless war that will likely bring about a deadly cycle of retaliation is being sold to us as the means to guarantee our safety. Meanwhile, we've been instructed to accept the permanent war as a fact of daily life. As the inevitable slaughter of innocents unfolds overseas, we are to "live our lives and hug our children."

FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. "Freedom itself is under attack," Bush said, and he's right. Americans are about to lose many of their most cherished liberties in a frenzy of paranoid legislation. The government proposes to tap our phones, read our email and seize our credit card records without court order. It seeks authority to detain and deport immigrants without cause or trial. It proposes to use foreign agents to spy on American citizens. To save freedom, the warmongers intend to destroy it.

IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH. America's "new war" against terrorism will be fought with unprecedented secrecy, including heavy press restrictions not seen for years, the Pentagon has advised. Meanwhile, the sorry history of American imperialism -- collaboration with terrorists, bloody proxy wars against civilians, forcible replacement of democratic governments with corrupt dictatorships -- is strictly off-limits to mainstream media. Lest it weaken our resolve, we are not to be allowed to understand the reasons underlying the horrifying crimes of September 11.

The defining speech of Bush's presidency points toward an Orwellian future of endless war, expedient lies, and ubiquitous social control. But unlike 1984's doomed protagonist, we've still got plenty of space to maneuver and plenty of ways to resist.

It's time to speak and to act. It falls on us now to take to the streets, bearing a clear message for the warmongers: We don't love Big Brother. ___

Jacob Levich (jlevich@earthlink.net) is an writer, editor, and activist living in Queens, New York.

Ran Leonard is My Bitch!!

Wed, 16 May 2007 15:11:09 GMT

That's my soon-to-be-ex-landlord. I might have blustered a little, but I am getting my deposit back this week, and move-in to the new house is on the 1st of the month. I LOVE the new house. It has much landscaping - pretty irises, peonies, sweetpea and morning glory, and about 15 different colored rose bushes (nice big ones!). It has 2 bedrooms and 1 car garage for bike and heavy bag, an office, and a cute little dining room. I dig it. It has an attic with one of those cool foldy-down ladders, also.

Things I have learned.

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 20:03:22 GMT

There are a couple of things that I have learned throughout the years, and I thought I would share. Please feel free to continue this thread.

1. If you ask for something nicely, you are way more likely to get it.

2. Telling the truth about something, no matter how unpleasant, is always better than lying about it.

3. Your dog will always love you more than anyone else.

4. Don't be afraid to try things. You will more than not wind up being happy you did.

5. Don't be afraid. The things you are afraid of are usually not as scary as you think they are.

6. Drinking on a weeknight is overrated.

7. Just because someone tells you something does not mean it is so. Practice this, "The sky is full of flying pink bananas" - see - it isn't.

8. If you are trying to find the one person on this earth you will always be able to count on and rely on, look in the mirror.

9. You will attract the kind of person that you yourself are. If you want to upgrade your friends/dates, upgrade yourself.

10. Most people are inherently nice. Or they will at least respond in kind if you are nice to them. Those that won't, suck, and should be left alone.

11. Sometimes, people grow apart for a reason. Sometimes it is a good reason.

12. Don't just listen to what people are saying. Listen to what they are NOT saying.

13. Don't get offended when you hear someone's honest opinion of you or your actions. There is a reason that they think this way. Think of what you might be doing to project that image that you don't want.

14. Sometimes, it is ok to want to be alone.

15. It is also OK to be sad sometimes. I know our culture teaches otherwise, but sometimes you need to feel certain ways in order to be emotionally healthy.

16. If someone is actively trying to make you feel bad about yourself, why are you talking to them?

17. Make a list of your "someday" activities. Do one of them. See how awesome you feel.

18. Procrastinating will only make it worse.

19. Don't let your emotions make you do stupid things. Just because someone says 'I love you', you don't have to throw your brain out the window. Try this exercise. Tell your plant, dog, book, fork, garden hose, etc. that you love it. Get all Shakespearian and shit. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference.

20. Sometimes, it IS all about you. Sometimes, it needs to be. You are the only one who is truly looking out for your best interests, and someone has to.

Nietzche was right.

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 16:00:32 GMT

Hope is the final evil. This is unequivocally true. Here is a proof.

Despair, without hope, leads to eventual resolution and acceptance.

Despair, with the slightest vestige of hope, precludes resolution, and endures indefinitely. Hope is the catalyst for delusion, which breeds further despair.

But hope, the seductive illusion, no matter how groundless, promulgates itself into an entirely unreasonable construct, consuming the mind and heart, leading only towards further despair.

Hope, truly, is the final evil. For it does nothing to assuage, but only to inflame, the most desperate yens of the human psyche. All hope is false - only reality in the guise of hope is positive.

Not thus it WAS, but thus I WILL it.

Nilhlism is wonderful and yet unbelievably depressing at the same time.

Here is the cycle -

Despair - hope - elation - despair

Thus it will continue until the impetus for despair is removed, or the hope is eradicated.

SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 18:42:24 GMT

I am so frigging happy right now I could dance a jig and clap!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe the universe doesn't hate me as much as I thought it did. :-)

YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

::HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY::

Vacation

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 20:22:36 GMT

Rome is even more awesome than I thought it would be. I don't want to ever come home.

Interesting facts about Rome:

1. The food absolutely defies description.

2. Italian people drive like maniacs.

3. The city fills one with awe. And humility. This is where civilization as we know it began, folks.

4. Italian men are pushy. I mean, really pushy. And kind of nuts. They follow you.

5. Jet lag sucks.

more later.

I am an idiot.

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 20:41:36 GMT

I am such an idiot.

I am in love with a man who doesn't want me.

I do not want the man who is in love with me.

I am a boob.

The even more monstrously shitty thing is that when I told the man who is in love with me that I was still in love with the man who doesn't want me, he was very sweet and understanding, just loved me more, and gave me a hug.

Time for seppuku.

I want to line my emotions up and sic a firing squad on them.

Either that, or just stop having emotions. All they do is fuck with me. I want to be able to decide with my brain how my heart shoud feel. I know that hearts don't actually feel. But fuck it - a little digression to copticism never hurt anyone.

Someone stole my gig bag.

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 21:32:28 GMT

The kelly green canvas tote bag that contained everything I needed to pull off a performance is gone.
No tuner. No tuning key. Cannot tune my harp. Have to order another one from CHICAGO, and I have a gig Monday, which there is no way in hell it will make it here in time.
No music. Music lovingly collected for the last FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS!!!!!!! Every tune I play to bring down the house -gone. All my notes, markings, and sheet music. Gone. All my original music and lyrics I wrote. Gone.
My microphone. Gone. My metronome. Gone.
This stuff cannot be replaced. The tuning key and whatnot can, but the music can't. It took me so long to get it all right, and now it is all gone to shit. I am going to kill the sonofabitch that took it if I ever find them. And the kicker is that it was stolen out of the parking lot at work. It was parked within 15 feet of the building. I can't believe no one saw. I looked through all the dumpsters in the parking lot, because I am sure that once the thief reailzed what the bag was (a bunch of harp music), they dumped it.

I am soooo bummed out. I don't know what to do. I have a gig Monday night, and no music and no way to tune my harp. ::sad::

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 19:13:34 GMT

You scored as Eastern Pagan. Eastern Pagans come in two breeds; The Buddhist-Pagan, who follows the Buddhist belief of the "middle way" and the Hindu-pagan, who leans to the Hindu Pantheon of gods. Thoughtful, calm, insightful individuals are often drawn to Eastern mythology and thought. Enlightenment is more than a theory; it's a state of mind to aspire to, and there are certain key elements that you've found in the Eastern paths that offer to help you on the journey. Those who seek these paths are often the teachers, the peacemakters and the intellectualists of our world.

</td>

Eastern Pagan

65%

Zoroastrian Pagan

60%

Kabbalistic Pagan

35%

Roman Pantheonic Pagan

15%

Shamanic Pagan

15%

Greek Pantheonic Pagan

10%

Sumerian, Babylonian, and Mesopotamian Pagans

10%

Ecclectic Pagan

Celtic Pantheonic Pagan

Egyptian Pantheonic Pagan

Norse Pantheonic Pagan (Asatru)

Catholic (Pagan?)

What kind of Pagan are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

SECRET THEORY:

We take quizzes to affirm things about ourselves that we already know/want to be true. It is a subtle way of self-affirmation. This is like when you ask your friends - "You really DO like me, right." Same concept. It is a way for us to reaffirm our own identities to ourselves.

At the risk of getting WAAAY to Jungian, I will stop.

Ice and snow suck. People in Oklahoma forget how to drive/park when things start falling out of the sky.

Does anyone know how to beat the FAFSA on how to file independantly from your parents even though you aren't 24 or married? This is currently driving me nuts. They want to calculate my financial aid based off of my Dad's income even though I've been financially independant since 2002. This is crap. If they do this, I will get next to no financial aid. Anyone have any ideas? I am pretty much willing to try anything at this point.

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 19:30:36 GMT

If you are ever unhappy with your house, plumbing, or electric wiring, threaten to sue your landlord. You'd be surprised how well that works. I am also getting new cabinets. Hehe.

New Years Resolutions - revisited

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 21:54:45 GMT

1. I will refuse to answer "courtesy questions" dishonestly. If you really didn't want to know how I was doing, don't ask.

2. I will systematically discard all clothing that
a. Doesn't fit
b. Doesn't look good on me
c. Isn't comfortable
d. I don't wear
e. Costs more to dry-clean than I paid for it

3. If a man makes me cry or hurts my feelings within 1 month of acquaintance, I will tell them to go to hell. And mean it. Those transgressions that soon are harbingers of disaster.

4. I will no longer feel guilty about telling people truths that they don't want to hear. Especially if they need to hear it.

5. I will no longer apologize when I don't mean it.

6. I will learn how to say NO. Especially when I really need to, and saying yes would cause me unnecessary stress.

7. Familial guilt is bullshit. Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean they can act like assclowns with immunity. Relatives that transgress got the same treatment as everyone else.

8. I will quit obsessing about my weight. I look good. I, and everyone in the free world that has met me knows this. So fuck it. If the scale varies 2 pounds I will not become victim to societal bullshit and feel bad about myself.

9. I will stop picking at emotional scabs.

10. I will treat myself as well as I treat others. Possibly even sometimes, a little better.

It's been what- 3 months?

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 21:05:10 GMT

No, I am not dead.

I know it has been FOREVER since I posted in this thing, but, honestly, I haven't thought about doing it.
Things that are new:

1. Boxer puppy. Name of Jack Dempsey. Very cute. Likes to chew. Is finally potty trained. 4 months old.

2. New tattoo. On right bicep. Classical harp with shamrocks. Badass. Still healing.

3. Starting at OU next semeser. Pre-Law. Hurray. Full time. Ugh.

4. Broke up with Eric. He wants to be a priest. I don't want to talk about it. Want, however, to kill him.

5. Job is fine. Work work work.

6. Going to Rome with Rachel in February. Very excited. Looking forward to Museo Vaticani. Am trying to learn Italian. Failing.

7. Moving. Soon. End of year. There will be a party.

You scored as Friedrich Nietzsche. Well you're an egotistical maniac, and you are so very iconoclastic that you probably are currently lost in a post-modern Jupiter, I mean jungle of self-definition.

Don't let it get you down though, someday, through a willful onslaught of reinterpretation of dated forms and ideas, you will strike on something that passes as remotely new, and people WILL be into it on the basis of how hip it is alone. Also, the average espresso drinker looks up to you.

</td>

Friedrich Nietzsche

92%

Dante Alighieri

67%

O.J. Simpson

50%

Adolf Hitler

50%

Stephen Hawking

42%

C.G. Jung

42%

Miyamoto Musashi

33%

Steven Morrissey

33%

Sigmund Freud

25%

Jesus Christ

25%

Mother Teresa

17%

Charles Manson

Hugh Hefner

Elvis Presley

What Pseudo Historical Figure Best Suits You?
created with QuizFarm.com

Update

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 18:29:47 GMT

Wow - it seems like I hardly ever update this thing anymore...

Rob Zombie was an awesome show. We had SOOOOOOO much fun!!! I am the mosh pit queen!!! I don't know if Eric had as much fun as I did, but he seemed to enjoy himself. Then again, it would have been difficult to enjoy it as much as I did, because I was pretty damn near estatic.

Life is pretty much normalized, for the time being at least. I am still working from home, but the new office is coming right along. We should be in it before the end of the month. I hope. Then again, I was supposed to be in it on the first of May - we shall see.

Rachel is back from Berlin, and I have really enjoyed spending a lot of time with her. I missed her so much!! She is talking about going back and spending a year there. If she does, I am totally going to have to go and visit her - I really would love to see Berlin.

Clancy is great - I am looking into getting him started on his therapy dog classes soon. He is doing really well, and is getting better at walking on his leash without pulling my arm off.

The Christina situation has now progressed to "I don't want to talk about it". I don't know yet what I am going to do, but it appears that her boyfriend Robert (whom I hate, and whom I really believe is the source of all of the problems that we are having) isn't going to just go away anytime soon. I guess you deal with what you have- but I think that the time has come that will call for more drastic measures, if we are going to be able to continue peaceably. Robert is the root of all evil.

The Eric situation, however, I am perfectly willing to talk about... :-)
I don't think I have ever been this happy while I was actually in a relationship with someone. It kinda makes me wish I hadn't wasted so much time on bullshit before he and I got back together. I guess we both needed all that time apart to become better people - I think things are better now than if we would have taken back up with each other sooner.
This last week, he has been staying here in OKC with me because of training for work (his work is in Norman, but apparently, training is here), and it has been really...nice. I could get used to this. We'll see what happens. God help me, I love that boy.

I digress. I will stop, at the risk of gushing.

The new health kick thing is going really well. I have been working out nearly every day, and getting back into shape. I have been boxing again, and I think that I will probably have a fight scheduled before the end of next month. However, the quitting smoking thing has been more difficult than I would have projected. I am still giving it the old college try, though. I'm a trooper, I am.

Anyway, that is what has been going on.

Peace, love, and cheap wine,

Jessi